Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
