sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
