sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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