Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
