operation have a gay friend backfired
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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