I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
