I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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