Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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