forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
