Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
