You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
