I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
