i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
