Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As shirtless as possible
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
