you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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