I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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