is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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