is your mom at the bar?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
