You made me cry and you don't even care
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
