omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
