I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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