We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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