she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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