if i can run in heels then i can drive
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
