You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
