There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
