Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
my liver is dry heaving
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
