just come out here and I will go home with you...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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