If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
