I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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