all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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