It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
