can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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