I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
