apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
