dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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