WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
