I got chris browned last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
