I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
