i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
