I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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