you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In other news, I just burned my penis
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
