Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
