Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
