I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
