The maid of honor just puked.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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