hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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