mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
