shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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