This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
