yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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