Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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