Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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