I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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