I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
