he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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