There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
