I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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