Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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