shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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