some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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