I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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