but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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