Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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