I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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