when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
