i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
