Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
