Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
