I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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