Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
