Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
