FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
