I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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