Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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