I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
