my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
