He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
