omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
