Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize