ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
