i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My life is pants optional.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
